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最終更新日 : 2012/01/30 (Mon) 06:14
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You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they\'re yours.
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.
If everything seems under control, you\'re just not going fast enough.
I\'m very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
Don\'t drive me crazy -- it\'s within walking distance.
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
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If all the world\'s managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it\'s good it\'s wonderful, and when it\'s bad it\'s still pretty good.
Three o\'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
One doesn\'t have a sense of humor. It has you.
The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
If everything seems under control, you\'re just not going fast enough.
I\'m not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one\'s work is terribly important.
... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
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You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.
Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.
The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
You got to be careful if you don\'t know where you\'re going, because you might not get there.
Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
Jesus may love you, but I think you\'re garbage wrapped in skin.
Machine. Unexpectedly, I\'d invented a time
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
If everything seems under control, you\'re just not going fast enough.
I don\'t believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.
Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.
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If women didn\'t exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law\'s peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
If women didn\'t exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he\'d lie just to keep his hand in.
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
If women didn\'t exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
I am not young enough to know everything.
The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
We don\'t make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
I am not young enough to know everything.
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Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
I am not young enough to know everything.
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent\'s eye, that charms to destroy...
Sex is like air. It\'s only a big deal if you can\'t get any.
There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn\'t work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
Build a man a fire, and he\'ll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he\'ll be warm for the rest of his life.
Whether you think that you can, or that you can\'t, you are usually right.
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
Gigerenzer\'s Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you\'ll be afraid to cough.
A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
After I\'m dead I\'d rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.
It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.
He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don\'t know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that\'s my position.
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There\'s also a negative side
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Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.
A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
I have not failed. I\'ve just found 10,000 ways that won\'t work.
I never forget a face, but in your case I\'ll be glad to make an exception.
A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, \'Don\'t you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?\' I said \'I didn\'t know there were any witnesses. Now I\'ll have to kill you too\'.
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The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That\'s where we come in; we\'re computer professionals. We cause accidents.
I don\'t even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
I\'m always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can\'t understand is, if they don\'t know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
I don\'t believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
The internet is not something you just dump something on. It\'s not a truck. It\'s a series of tubes!
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A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
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The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
Hanlon\'s Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.
Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, \'Where have I gone wrong?\' Then a voice says to me, \'This is going to take more than one night.\'
When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
Sex is like air. It\'s only a big deal if you can\'t get any.
Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
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Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven\'t said enough.
Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn\'t take it out of my garden.
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.
A good sermon should be like a woman\'s skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
If it wasn\'t for C, we\'d be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
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When you\'ve seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
O\'Toole\'s Corollary of Finagle\'s Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.
And God said, \'Let there be light\' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
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Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
If you\'re sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
If you can read this you\'re not aiming in the right direction.
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
When I am dead, I hope it may be said: \'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.
If you think it\'s simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
I\'ve always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
You can pretend to be serious; you can\'t pretend to be witty.
We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
It\'s wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
We\'re going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
Emulate your heros, but don\'t carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
Fill what\'s empty, empty what\'s full, and scratch where it itches.
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
Jesus may love you, but I think you\'re garbage wrapped in skin.
Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he\'d lie just to keep his hand in.
True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.
Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.
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A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.
The trouble with the Internet is that it\'s replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.
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Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.
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I hope life isn\'t a big joke ... because I don\'t get it.
If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
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The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
If you can count your money, you don\'t have a billion dollars.
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
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If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
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Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
I\'m Jewish. I don\'t work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
Total absence of humor renders life impossible.
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Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
We don\'t make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.
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There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.
Don\'t stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
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The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they\'re going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air ? however slight ? lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I\'ll never know.
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn\'t it.
I don\'t even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
In America, anybody can be president. That\'s one of the risks you take.
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn\'t it.
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
Everybody\'s worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there\'s a really easy way: stop participating in it.
They laughed when I said I\'d be a comedian. They aren\'t laughing now.
No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I\'m not there, I go to work.
The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
I don\'t approve of political jokes... I\'ve seen too many of them get elected.
We don\'t make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
Oh for pity\'s sake. HERE. Two pebbles. Two more pebbles. FOUR pebbles. What is WRONG with you people?
If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn\'t.
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.
The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
Don\'t sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn\'t over until everyone gets their cookies.
We have art to save ourselves from the truth.
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
Don\'t drive me crazy -- it\'s within walking distance.
What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
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Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
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Lohr\'s Law: The future is merely the past with a twist ? and better tools.
I don\'t want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You\'d be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.
To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that\'s ok because you\'ll be a mile away from him and you\'ll have his shoes.
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can\'t it get us out?
I hope life isn\'t a big joke ... because I don\'t get it.
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
Don\'t knock masturbation, it\'s sex with someone I love .
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
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I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...
C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there\'s no risk of accident for someone who\'s dead.
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
最終更新日 : 2012/01/15/(Sun) 01:06
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